Jehovah's Witnesses & the congregation

 I was raised as a JW. Was an active part of the congregation till about 2010. And boy do I have opinions about it.

There were so many rules to follow. It was very strict but depending on each families individual beliefs, it could be even more strict. (I knew a family who wouldn't let their kids watch the movie All Dogs Go To Heaven because it had to do with spirits) One common rule was not to have friends in school because they were "worldly" and bad associations. Anyone not in the kingdom hall was a bad association. We were warned not do do extra curricular things so as to not be "unevenly yolked with the world.

I was taught from a young age to care what everyone thought. Often being told "how would that make Jehovah look?" "What would the elders think?" I still have problems to this day caring too much about what everyone else thinks. 

I got in trouble for the dumbest things. I was taken to "the little room" to talk to the elders when I was a teen because I had a friend in high school who was a boy. I felt like I was being interrogated. It wasn't anything more than a literal friend in school. That interaction with the elders honestly left me traumatized.

As a young adult I got in trouble again. A group of us got together to go bowling. In this group was my boyfriend at the time (who later became my first husband). Since a large group got together we all met up at my boyfriends house where he and another friend lived and decided to leave our cars there and carpool in fewer cars. I got scolded that it looked bad that I left my car at my boyfriends house and that it could be interpreted as me being alone with him in his apartment. Yeah. I still cant believe that happened.

I followed all the rules the church had for me. It was a full time job. I attended 5 meetings a week. Prepared ahead of time for each of the meetings. Was part of the theocratic ministry school where we had to frequently present skits of us having a bible study. I did this all while being in school with all my assignments and even while working full time.

I eventually got married just the way the church wanted. Married the brother I was dating. He was in good standing and came highly recommended.(Let's not forget the fact that not one person warned me about his father who they all knew. He was disfellowshipped many times, had a history of violence, been in and out of prison and even raped a 80 yr old woman. No one thought to even tell me what was attached to my husband.. good looking out) We had a short engagement just as the congregation suggested. After we got married we both pioneered which meant we had to put a ton of hours in for service. I did this while working full time. I would start early morning service before work, I even witnessed during my lunch at again after work. I did 10 hour weekends just to be able to put my time in. I was exhausted but I did it because its what was expected and I wanted to be accepted. I was never truly happy. Because no matter what I did it was still never enough for the congregation. Eventually all the long hours and stress took a toll. I had to stop pioneering. I was approached and told that even though I had contributed to the kingdom hall with my service for nearly a year I would have to be uninvited from the upcoming pioneer picnic because I wouldn't be a pioneer at the time it was being held. And don't forget that the elders had to make an announcement on stage before the entire congregation that I was no longer a pioneer. Nothing like a little public shame and humiliation. Although I did nothing wrong and it wasn't technically scolding... its just public announcement of ones position in the congregation. And this was a step down.

Fast forward to my first husband leaving me while pregnant and stealing our entire savings from me and leaving me desolate... among other things. I desperately wanted some sort of justice after he did what he did. The congregation wasn't giving it to me. He was still a ministerial servant and still had not had any sort of announcement that he was not in good standing. I had to blackmail him to get that sort of justice. I told him I would not sign the divorce papers until he spoke to the elders. He eventually did and he was disfellowshipped. But that would not have happened if it wasn't for my own efforts. 

Fast forward to January 2012. My sister was going to get married to her baby daddy. Something that had been in the works since she became a teen mom. It was an abomination in the church that a teen got pregnant out of wedlock. Somehow she wasn't disfellowshipped. I honestly think it was due to my moms fragile mental health. With so many attempted suicides I think they knew would attempt again. So my sister got a slap on the wrist. By the time the wedding was planned her son would be around 18 months old. She was pressured the whole time by the church to get married and she finally started the planning. I want to say about a week before the wedding the congregation reached out to my parents and told them that everyone from the church who attended my sisters wedding would get reprimanded because she was marring a non believer. This was because despite attending meetings his whole life her soon to be husband was never baptized. So in order to not call off the entire wedding my sister and her baby daddy had to go to a ghetto hole in the wall wedding chapel and legally get married before her actual wedding. I saw what that did to my sister. What should have been a happy time was not. She was so sad to be in this disgusting place getting married. She even wore black to this legal wedding. It was absolutely horrible. We both cried at how awful this was. It was at this moment that the straw broke the camels back and I saw that this was not for me anymore.

I eventually stopped attending church. I still had my own relationship with god as I still do today. I have found such peace and joy in how that relationship is today. It finally feels right. I still believe many of the same beliefs as what I was taught growing up. But clearly I don't follow all the rules they do. Thus why I no longer call myself a JW. Through the years I have had family both immediate and distant encourage me to come back to the congregation. Saying things like Jehovah doesn't forget his lost sheep. I AM NOT LOST. These same people hold my idiot brother in high esteem simply for the fact that he is an elder in his congregation despite all the shit he has done and continues to do.

Recently when my dad passed and we were planning the memorial my mom asked me to write a eulogy for his service from us kids. In the week leading up to the memorial I was under such stress and emotional distress. There was a going back and forth about if I would be allowed to speak during the service. If it would be played as a recording. If it would be during the service or after. First, it was brought to my moms attention that I was not in "exemplary standing" in the kingdom hall. And that apparently has weight as to if I am worthy or not enough to say my last words after my dads death. FUCK YOU. Then was the question if it would even be appropriate for me to stand at the podium and address the congregation because I am a woman and women dont have those rights in the hall. So then the idea of me standing off to the side or even sitting in the audience with a mic was brought up. The elders in my moms congregation told her it was up to her and her discretion. But my cousin who is an elder was asked by my mother to do the talk and he was the one who really fought tooth and nail to not have me do it. At first he said we would have the service and then the prayer and when it was done for me to include it. Not having it part of the actual service is insane and insulting. We had to fight to have it during the service BEFORE any closing prayer and song. And the compromise that he agreed to was playing a recording I made after his talk and before the end of the service. During this back and forth conversation with him and my mom she said she hated the judgment from the hall about my standing in order to be part of my dads service, this will be relevant later. At the end of the day it worked out because I probably wouldn't have been able to get through it if I had tried to read it in person.

More recently. After my dad's passing my mom has been trying to figure out her finances and after many calls it seems she cannot afford to stay in her home. I scheduled a phone call with she and I and a financial advisor friend of hers from her hall. During the call we were discussing housing options and my mom was crying and said something along the lines of "I serve god and I cannot see myself living with family who isn't serving god." She meant me. In the years my dad was in hospice my mom and I talked many times about what the plan will be once pop dies. No plans were ever solidified, and they still aren't, but she made it clear that I was the only option. So to hear this was just so disgusting to hear especially on the heels of her telling the brothers she hated the judgements against me during the planning of pops service. And yet here she is doing the same thing. And by the end of the conversation she once again said I was the only one she felt comfortable with. I honestly feel sick to my stomach about it. I'll never be good enough despite being the only one of her children that doesn't want her money. She trusted me with that so much that she made me her POA and I have access to all her funds. I have never taken advantage of her. I have been the only child of hers to always look out for her. I help her pay her bills, get her medications. Contact her regularly to make sure she's ok. In the recent fires in Eaton Canyon I offered all the time to evacuate her. Driving through not one but two active burning fires to get to her. I made sure my kids had a relationship with her and my dad. But no... its still not worth anything because I chose to separate myself from a church that brought me no happiness. I followed their rules to not only continue being judged just to be told its still not good enough, but also to have a horrendous first marriage where everything in my life went to shit.

All that to say: I will never attend another meeting of JW again. I will never be an active member according to their standards. I will continue to have a relationship with Jehovah in the way that feels the most authentic and joyful for me. I continue to confide in him in the way I need. My relationship with god is between me and him and no one else. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I hope one day you can be happy for me too. Please stop telling me to come back to meetings. It is never going to happen. Take a real lesson out of the bible about not judging. I will never tell you to not serve god the way you want. I will never tell you I don't agree with what you are doing. I will never discourage you from doing what you want. Why don't you extend that same courtesy to me. That's the true christian thing to do. Because honestly was I feel is summed up into this: THERE IS NO HATE LIKE CHRISTIAN LOVE.

Stefan

 You have always been the sibling I was closest too. My best friend and in a way a kind of soulmate.

That all changed when you met Joey. I forget what year it was. 2018?2019? It was a new relationship and I had just been told about him and I was very excited to meet him. Only that would never happen. I could write a whole novel about it but the short version is that Joey over time took you away from friends and family and left you isolated. He somehow brainwashed you in a way that I can only describe as some sort of stockholm syndrome. He didn't let you communicate with me for over a year. It was probably closer to a year and a half. And though we are now in communication and have a relationship, it's still not the same as before Joey. I don't think it'll ever go back to that. 

When you and Joey did breakup you ended up moving back in with Mom and Pop for a time. And this was in the midst of the pandemic. You worked in the healthcare field and actually got covid and brought it home with you. I was so scared that this was what was going to kill our parents. It was an act of god that they didn't catch it. You had already exposed them and yet they stayed safe. I hated that you risked their health/lives but also I understand that it was out of your control. So I can't really hold that against you but also I didn't like it. While you were staying there, you had asked many times if Mom or Pop could help you consolidate you debt and cosign a loan so you can do that. They both said no. You were really irresponsible with finances. But also a recent DUI fucked you over too. So you were in a bad place and I understand asking for help. 

What I didn't appreciate was what you did after they said no. You took matters into your own hands. They trusted you living with them. And you took full advantage. I hate to say it but you are the definition of "hurt people, hurt people." I know their inability to accept you for who you are as a gay man has cause trauma to your core. I will never forgive them for kicking you out when you came out and you were living out of your car for a time. That was deplorable. But you have now grown into the mentality that now you will hurt them for hurting you and you have no remorse about it. You have even told me you would do it again. What is it that you did? Well, while you were living there you had and took access of all their financial information. You got their checking account numbers and routing numbers. You got debit and credit card info. You even got a hold of our dads social security number. You committed fraud using all their bank info to buy whatever you wanted. You racked up over $10k in fraud. You would have kept going if I hadn't stopped the cards and closed the accounts. You even took our dads social to apply for a credit card so that you could still do your consolidation plan. YOU EVEN HAD IT MAILED TO YOUR NEW ADDRESS AFTER YOU MOVED OUT. You are so lucky that mom never reported you to the bank or to the authorities. What you did was a FELONY. I have tried to talk to you about this many times and you have always doubled down. I am disgusted and heartbroken that this is who you are now. It is ugly.

Then last year you hurt me yet again. You did us the favor of watching the kids for us while we went to Hawaii on our first vacation ever together as a couple. It was a gift you were able to do this and I will be always grateful that you did us this favor so that we could go. However that doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. First I paid you to watch them. I insisted on it. I did not take advantage like so many in our family do. Second, it came out months after our trip that you allowed the kids to watch a horror film. It was rated R. And our youngest who was 7 at the time had nightmares for weeks after. When I asked if you did this you said yes and double downed again saying you didn't agree with how I raise my kids and that since you were in charge you were going to do what you felt was right. Look, this isnt giving kids sugar when I have asked you to not... and this is a thing you have done too. There are so many reason why I say to not but its not about the rule, its about respect. At the end of the day these are my kids not yours. Doing me a favor doesn't mean disrespecting me or my boundaries. It doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want. I made it very clear after that, that there are rules. The beautiful thing about them is that you don't have to agree. I will never ask you to agree or see things the way I do. Go be your own person with your own beliefs. But you will respect them especially with my kids IN MY HOME. I also made it clear that I will not keep you away from the kids as they love you dearly. But I will expect my rules to be upheld. So if you cant or wont respect them, then it is YOUR choice to not be in my kids life.

Im just so sad with everything we have been through especially in the last 6 years. I don't know what the future holds but I hope you find happiness and peace one day. I have always looked out for you and wanted the best for you. Lord knows I have tried to "save" you through the years. And you were the one who taught me that not everyone wants to be saved. It's been hard watching you go through all the heartbreak and devastation you have gone through in your life. 

Dear Michael

This letter has been a long time coming. 

I saw you this last weekend for the first time in like 8-9 (2015-2016) years. The last time I saw you, you forged up fake eviction papers with our parents names on it evicting my entire family from the duplex they had us living in.

Before that, there was a brief run-in in 2012 after Pop's drowning incident at the hospital when you made a quick obligatory appearance. 

Before that, there was a brief social encounter at a family members baby shower back in around 2010.

And the only other memories I have of you were us growing up together dating from high school back to middle school. I don't really recall elementary with you. But those middle and high school memories were awful. I constantly had to defend you from bullies who would call you gay (back then it was more insulting and I was still a bit brainwashed from the church). I do however vividly remember you slapping me across my face in high school right in front of my dad who didn't stick up for me or protect me (a common theme from our family). 

****

Let's take a step back. And travel back in time. Let's go back to when we were kids. You had an obsession with money and material items. You were and are easily the most materialistic person I have ever met in my life. You looked up to our family in Fresno (Diaz family) so much because you believed they had more money than us and they seemed to have a much more lavish lifestyle than us. I don't know if that was factually true, but you believed it and Im sure you still do. You always spoke of money and fashion. You would constantly critique me in the way that I looked and the way that I dressed. Making comments all the time about my body and my appearance. You told me my entire childhood and even into my early adulthood how ugly I was and that I looked like a man. That no one would ever look twice at me. Primarily because of you, I had the worst self esteem ever. I still struggle with the effects you had on me to this day. 

I remember an instance where you told me my eyebrows were so disgusting that I needed to pluck them. I went into the bathroom and plucked. When I came out you told me I needed to do more. Each time I came back out you told me it wasn't enough. By the time I was done my eyebrows were so wrecked and I looked absolutely terrible. I don't know why I ever listened to you. 

When we got old enough to start dating you would try to pawn me off to anyone. Telling everyone that I needed all the help I could get to get a guy. One time you set me up with a guy who ended up trying to assault me during a movie date. I immediately stopped talking to him and he ended up stalking me for years after that. He even continued when he moved to Alaska. I never understood why you felt the need to do this. You always did love to play match maker.. you did the same with our sister which I will elaborate on later. Brothers are supposed to be protectors. You often see them in the movies of shows talking to people that their sisters are dating saying something along the lines of "you break her heart, I'll break your legs." You know, protective stuff. And here you were feeding me to the lions. Wtf is wrong with you.

Skipping ahead to maybe 2007ish you started secretly taking our sister to have dates with your best friends (at the time) brother. Our parents were very much against dating for recreation and especially so young. But you made it seem like you were just hanging out with your sister but instead facilitating these secret dates. This went on for years. You then moved up north of course to be closer to the "rich family" when you started your new chapter with your new wife. Then roughly 2009ish. I recall you were in town visiting. I can clearly remember that we all made plans to meet up for lunch at a Cuban restaurant in Glendale, CA. While sitting at the table catching up, you whispered across the table to our then approx 15-16 year old sister. You asked if she was still seeing the boy you had been taking her on secret dates with. She said yes and you nodded in agreement saying "good". By the time she was 17 she ended up getting pregnant. You made it a point to call my mom and to tell her she raised a whore. I was there when you called and she had you on speakerphone. I heard the whole conversation. You then went on to tell her that she would never have a relationship with your future kids. And you held on to that promise. 

The years rolled by and you rarely ever visited them. There was that one time you showed up to a yard sale and thats when you wrote up those fake eviction papers. In that same visit you also tried to swindle my parents out of their house and to put your name on the deed or some paperwork. Im not even sure now of the exact paperwork but it could have even been you trying to be a POA or beneficiary. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what you were trying to do specifically. You were trying to take advantage of our parents financially (which is a common theme for all my siblings. See my posts to my other siblings for that story.)It was also at this visit you tried to persuade my children to watch your religious propaganda knowing I would be against it.

Through the years your kids never really got to know their grandparents. But still they had more interaction than any of us as their aunts and uncles. And speaking of your kids... my very first interaction with you and your first child was shortly after my first child died. I was on the way home from the hospital and you had the nerve to call me before I even made it home to announce that you and your wife were expecting. Fuck you.

****

Fast forward to last month when our dad was actively dying. You had not been involved with them for years. You decided to show up and throw some money around and get my mom a new bed since she had to get rid of hers to make room for Pop's new hospital bed. Thats all you ever do. Is make money the most important thing to make it look like you give a shit. That wasn't even the worst part. Pop took a turn with his health on 11/20/2024. I was told you visited, just you, on Friday 11/22/2024. Im told you showed up and walked to his bedside and said "hello" and that was it. There was no care for him at all. No tears or sadness. You showed up just to say you did. You didn't even talk to him. The next day 11/23/2024 I showed up with my family. The rest of us siblings were there, thank goodness you weren't there to fuck it up for us. We all were sobbing and crying the entire visit. We stayed for hours. We wrote notes to him and told him all the things our heart wanted to say. We took photos and videos knowing it would be the last time. That last visit will never be long enough. It was the last day he was able to talk. You were there when he was able to talk too and you didn't give a single fuck. The next day 11/24/2024 you showed up again this time with your wife and kids and once again none of you said shit to Pop. You just showed up to say you were there. I will never forgive you for that.

And all this time you have been an elder in your congregation claiming to Shepard your people. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. You are what the church calls a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

****

All that to say: My brother died in high school. I picked high school as the time of death because in our high school yearbook you decided to change your name from Michael Sherman, to Michael Sherman-Diaz. That's right. You hyphenated your last name to reflect the last name of our "rich family". You wanted so badly to be one of them. I hope it was all worth it to you. I don't like to use the word hate often but honestly Michael, I hate you. I want nothing to do with you. I want you to stay the fuck away from my family. When I die, if you are still alive, I don't want you to show up to my service. There are specific instructions to turn you away if you even dare show up. I have no brother. The only thing I have left to say to you is: GET FUCKED.