Stefan

 You have always been the sibling I was closest too. My best friend and in a way a kind of soulmate.

That all changed when you met Joey. I forget what year it was. 2018?2019? It was a new relationship and I had just been told about him and I was very excited to meet him. Only that would never happen. I could write a whole novel about it but the short version is that Joey over time took you away from friends and family and left you isolated. He somehow brainwashed you in a way that I can only describe as some sort of stockholm syndrome. He didn't let you communicate with me for over a year. It was probably closer to a year and a half. And though we are now in communication and have a relationship, it's still not the same as before Joey. I don't think it'll ever go back to that. 

When you and Joey did breakup you ended up moving back in with Mom and Pop for a time. And this was in the midst of the pandemic. You worked in the healthcare field and actually got covid and brought it home with you. I was so scared that this was what was going to kill our parents. It was an act of god that they didn't catch it. You had already exposed them and yet they stayed safe. I hated that you risked their health/lives but also I understand that it was out of your control. So I can't really hold that against you but also I didn't like it. While you were staying there, you had asked many times if Mom or Pop could help you consolidate you debt and cosign a loan so you can do that. They both said no. You were really irresponsible with finances. But also a recent DUI fucked you over too. So you were in a bad place and I understand asking for help. 

What I didn't appreciate was what you did after they said no. You took matters into your own hands. They trusted you living with them. And you took full advantage. I hate to say it but you are the definition of "hurt people, hurt people." I know their inability to accept you for who you are as a gay man has cause trauma to your core. I will never forgive them for kicking you out when you came out and you were living out of your car for a time. That was deplorable. But you have now grown into the mentality that now you will hurt them for hurting you and you have no remorse about it. You have even told me you would do it again. What is it that you did? Well, while you were living there you had and took access of all their financial information. You got their checking account numbers and routing numbers. You got debit and credit card info. You even got a hold of our dads social security number. You committed fraud using all their bank info to buy whatever you wanted. You racked up over $10k in fraud. You would have kept going if I hadn't stopped the cards and closed the accounts. You even took our dads social to apply for a credit card so that you could still do your consolidation plan. YOU EVEN HAD IT MAILED TO YOUR NEW ADDRESS AFTER YOU MOVED OUT. You are so lucky that mom never reported you to the bank or to the authorities. What you did was a FELONY. I have tried to talk to you about this many times and you have always doubled down. I am disgusted and heartbroken that this is who you are now. It is ugly.

Then last year you hurt me yet again. You did us the favor of watching the kids for us while we went to Hawaii on our first vacation ever together as a couple. It was a gift you were able to do this and I will be always grateful that you did us this favor so that we could go. However that doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. First I paid you to watch them. I insisted on it. I did not take advantage like so many in our family do. Second, it came out months after our trip that you allowed the kids to watch a horror film. It was rated R. And our youngest who was 7 at the time had nightmares for weeks after. When I asked if you did this you said yes and double downed again saying you didn't agree with how I raise my kids and that since you were in charge you were going to do what you felt was right. Look, this isnt giving kids sugar when I have asked you to not... and this is a thing you have done too. There are so many reason why I say to not but its not about the rule, its about respect. At the end of the day these are my kids not yours. Doing me a favor doesn't mean disrespecting me or my boundaries. It doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want. I made it very clear after that, that there are rules. The beautiful thing about them is that you don't have to agree. I will never ask you to agree or see things the way I do. Go be your own person with your own beliefs. But you will respect them especially with my kids IN MY HOME. I also made it clear that I will not keep you away from the kids as they love you dearly. But I will expect my rules to be upheld. So if you cant or wont respect them, then it is YOUR choice to not be in my kids life.

Im just so sad with everything we have been through especially in the last 6 years. I don't know what the future holds but I hope you find happiness and peace one day. I have always looked out for you and wanted the best for you. Lord knows I have tried to "save" you through the years. And you were the one who taught me that not everyone wants to be saved. It's been hard watching you go through all the heartbreak and devastation you have gone through in your life.